Detox Rocks

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I like a bit of excess every now and again. Like on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. And sometimes Monday and the occasional Wednesday. Or Sunday. My body, it’s fair to say, is not a temple. It’s more of a tent. With a few poles missing. Granted, I could be down at a gym getting fit and healthy. But I’m allergic to lycra and spandex. I could also cut down on the partying, but where’s the fun in that? Time, then, for a bit of internal cleaning. But how? Diet? Not on your life. Colonic? Bleurgh.

Three-day juice-only fast? Well, why not? You might argue that it’s not worth the hunger pangs, food envy and bother, but fasting – provided you’re not diabetic, pregnant or on prescription drugs – is a fantastic way to flush out ugly toxins that build up in your bloodstream. During fasting, chemical nasties such as pesticides and drugs, which are stored in body fat are released. And because you don’t have to digest solid foods, your body can concentrate on repairing other problem areas and building up immunity. You'll also benefit from dozens of therapeutic nutrients such as vitamins, minerals and enzymes. Besides, what’s three days out of your life? First, find a trustworthy outline for fasting. We rely on the Prescription for Nutritional Healing (£14.99, Avery Publishing). It helps to spend a day or two preparing by only eating raw fruits and vegetables. You should also do this following the detox. Bear in mind that fasting isn’t easy.
Trust me, fish and chips smell like Michelin-star stuff when you’re living on endless blends of apple, carrot, beetroot, celery, ginger, pear and cranberry. It’s also hard to concentrate, and my skin was dry, but much clearer. Though I did detect a slightly sulphurous odour emanating from my pores as all those evil pints of beer and Kit Kats were banished from my newly pure self. But by the end of the final day, I’d pretty much lost the plot. While many people experience a heightened sense of awareness on fasts, my flatmate commented that I had the look of a deranged banshee. So no change there. But on the big, big plus side, I’d felt euphoric, dropped a few pounds, wasn’t as sluggish and felt definitively cleansed from the inside out. I’d survived. And just in time for the weekend, too. (Out with the old toxins, in with the new!)

So, fancy becoming the next Toxic Avenger? Here are some some handy tips:
• Lemon juice rules. Raw cabbage, parsley, grape, spinach, kale, and most other fruits are also good for fasting, but steer clear of orange and tomato
• Dilute all juices with pure water, which you should also sluice down you regularly for the duration of the fast
• Have up to two cups of herbal tea per day. Chamomile and rosehip teas are lovely, as is peppermint, which also helps ease anxiety, indigestion, nausea and a complaining stomach
• Watch for side effects: fatigue, dizziness, headaches, insomnia, fuzzy tongue, aches and pains and dry skin to name but a few. Stop fasting if these become severe
• If you must eat something, try uncooked applesauce. Leave the skin on and prepare in a blender. OK, but admittedly no substitute for roast and yorkshire pud • Don’t chew gum. It only makes you hungrier
• Take two garlic capsules a day. They will help boost your immune system and slay any marauding parasites camping in your colon. Now there’s a vivid picture
• Exfoliate using a natural bristle bath brush or sponge. Brush towards your heart to help your pores spit out all that nasty urban contamination And finally, when on a fast, never EVER walk through the Harrods, Selfridges or Marks & Spencer food halls. Their sales staff aren’t trained to handle sobbing shoppers. -Mikala Folb