Essential Student Viewing…

Essential Student Viewing… and why you Should Stop Watching once you Graduate. Loose Women Why watch it? It’s like watching Question Time without the headache! The burning issues of the day discussed by pleasant women and funny Northerners. Why you should stop - It’s hardly Question Time. Basically middle-aged female Z-listers talking about stuff they don’t understand.

They only things they have any qualifications to discuss are poor quality frozen food and singing on boats. Deal or no Deal? Why watch it? The writing of little numbers on hands; group chanting; unquestioning faith in ‘positivity’; the funny little beard – this is the Cult of Edmonds, which can surely only be a good thing. If the combined will of Noel and his ‘Pilgrims’ can decide the hidden value within a box, we need to utilize their abilities for more pressing matters like Climate Change and child poverty.

“Blue! Blue! Blue! Blue!” Why you should stop – It’s the most ridiculous thing ever invented ever… by anyone. “You’ve actually, played a very shrewd game,” says Noel, oozing sex appeal*. I’m sorry, ‘a shrewd game’? Have they opened the boxes in a particular cunning fashion, sneaking cheeky peaks at the other boxes without the banker spotting them?

Or have they just done exactly the same as everyone else and randomly picked numbers between 1 and 22? Yes, that’s what I thought. * Smarmy bullsh*t The Jeremy Kyle Show Why Watch it? Spongers, druggies and identikit chav’s get a good going over by Jezza – just like you’d be doing if it wasn’t for that fact you were too busy running to the other side of the street to even look at them.

Why you should stop – Every episode of this show you watch destroys 5% of your brain cells – FACT (well, probably). And besides, he only shouts at them because he’s got his big bouncer mates to protect him. I hear that Kyle’s a right girl when you get him on his own. Live From Studio Five Why Watch It? You know the phrase, ‘So bad it’s good’? Well, this is ‘So unbelievably terrible, it is possibly the greatest TV program ever made’. David Gest has been the highlight so far:

“I'm going on tour! I'm raising money for Chinese Girls with Herpes!" Another charity he claimed to be working for was EOCCI: “Eskimos on Crack Cocaine with Ice! We're trying to get their igloos heated.” Absolute 24-carat gold. Why you should stop – Unfortunately, this decision may ultimately be made for you, as Live From Studio Five had halved its opening viewing figures in just a week – from 476,000 on the 14th September to 230,000 on the 22nd.

The future looks grim for the show whose guests have included Bananarama, a-Ha and a group interview with Anastacia, Lulu, and Chaka Khan. Hollyoaks Why Watch It? It’s just like watching your own life unfold before you! Hot students having it away with other hot students interspersed with cutting-edge issues, drugs and gangsters.

Why you should stop – You mean you’re University experience wasn’t like this? You only had sex twice - and one of those times was with an exceptionally hairy German exchange student – while the closest you’ve ever come to a gangster is that time you bumped into Danny Dyer? Oh… Friends Why Watch It? Not just the best program in this list, arguably the greatest sit-com ever made.

Touching, witty and intelligent, Friends is the perfect tonic to a tough day of lectures. Why you should stop – You’ve seen it. You can switch over to E4 at 5 o’clock however many times you want, but you’ll have seen it. You’ve seen every episode about 5 times each for crying out loud! There’s plenty of good TV out there you haven’t explored yet because you’ve been too busy watching ‘The One That Was on Six Months Ago – and Six Months Before That, And Six Months Before That’. Stop, before your brain melts.

Bargain Hunt Why Watch It? What better-a-way to start your day (note to non-students: at university 12:30 is the beginning of the day) than with some wheeler-dealing. Let’s face it, The Antiques Roadshow is a bigger killer of the elderly than winter flu, lulling them into boredom induced comas they just don’t wake up from. Bargain Hunt, on the other hand, spices things up considerably with two competing teams and Wonga flying around like the recession is a distant memory.

Why you should stop – Apart from the fact you should really have a job to go to once you’ve left Uni, Bargain Hunt isn’t exactly going to teach you how to become the next David Dickinson. The contestants are largely morons, the ‘Experts’ wouldn’t know good value if it came crashing down over their heads, and Tim Wonnacott is no replacement for the Duke, who can now be found over on ITV.